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I still have a blog… right?

Very recently there was a time there where I would fill every hour of every day doing something productive. It got to the point where I’d fill my waking hours with 18-20 hours worth of tasks. When people do that, it’s usually because they are avoiding something else in their lives they don’t want to face/admit/deal with. I’m here to tell you, I’ve stopped all of that; I have taken a step back and refused to fill each day for the sake of reaching a goal I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted. You see, I was asked about 2 months ago, what my “why” was for becoming a Beachbody coach. I was told not to just say, “because I want to help people”; I was to DIG DEEPER and find the big picture. I pondered this question for 2 days straight – while others in the group answered almost immediately. I slept on it for two days, and my answer was always the same. I don’t really want to be a Beachbody Coach, I want to be a mother.

And overnight, just like that, my world changed.

To those of you who may be reading this, who are a coach AND a mom, you are probably confused — why not do both? Well, I have an excellent answer. Anyone who knows me, knows I go ALL-IN when I’m truly committed to something. If I’m not fully committed, it will end up falling off my radar and start collecting dust on the shelves so to speak. I don’t want to be a half a$$ed coach, and becoming a mom for me hasn’t been easy so far. It’s time for me to buckle down and really commit myself to making it happen. For the past 4 years we’ve been essentially NTNP (not trying not preventing); because if you don’t try, you can’t really fail. When it didn’t happen EASILY for us within the first 6 months my mind and body went into a protective state; and I tried to convince myself I didn’t want kids. After all, between the two of us we have 25 nieces and nephews! Maybe I was better equipped to be an Aunt and offer “sage” advice only when asked?

So when I was asked that question (probably for the 30th time), “What is your why for being a Beachbody coach?” I finally, after all these roller coaster years, had a definite answer. I even typed it out and almost posted it to the group. Instead, I kept it to myself… until now.

To feel like I’m doing something meaningful with my life, until I can meet my main, true goal, of becoming a mom. It hasn’t been an easy task, and it’s been one that has been ongoing — for years now. But my why is to be a stay at home mom with my non-existent child. Part of me has hoped that by letting go of my other career I could focus more on my health and the things I need to do to become a mom.

What I have learned in my short time of working with people on their nutrition and fitness goals, is that there are 3 main reasons for making a BIG change. 1) A family member has been diagnosed with or suffered severely from a disease. 2) The individual feels their health is not optimal, they can tell that something is off or have been told that something is off. 3) They want to lose weight and be more physically active, this is usually connected in some way to 1 or 2.

In my case, I definitely fall into category 2. I have felt for years that something must be off with my health to be preventing pregnancy. I’ve become as healthy as I can be, while still maintaining a healthy balance in my life. I worked on everything physical, got tests, everything… and nothing is wrong. I’m healthier than the average American. I have plenty of eggs still. They still release each month. And yes, of course, Mr. Zucchini Runner has been tested too. The past 4+ years have been a long and slow process. One that has had many ups and downs, back and forths, moments of hope and disappointment. But for the first time, I’m ALL IN. We are both, ALL IN. In order to be all in, my focus needs to be on me — on us — and on a future child. I know I don’t have a huge following of blog readers, and that is fine by me. As you know, that has never been my main goal. But for those of you that do read; that do follow, I wanted to open up and let you know why things are so sporadic and why my only posts lately have been reviews of food I’ve tried! I’m not going to blog about baby stuff all the time, or my journey to becoming a mom — that’s not what this blog is about and that is personal to Mr. Zucchini Runner and I. We now know what needs to be done moving forward, and we aren’t giving up.

From you, I ask one thing in return. Please don’t feel sorry for us or say you are sorry for us… instead help us believe it will happen. Think of us with a child, don’t think of us sad and wanting a child. Everyday we imagine what life is going to be like with a baby, toddler, teen – we believe it will happen. My days of feeling sad and vulnerable about this topic are over. Thanks for listening.

Social tagging: fitness and fertility > infertility > nutrition and fertility > pregnancy